Wooden Spoon

Navigating Relationships with Compassion: The Power of Understanding Woundedness

In our complex and interconnected world, filled with diverse individuals carrying their unique burdens, it is necessary to approach interactions with a sense of empathy and understanding. This perspective is especially crucial when dealing with relationships, whether they be personal, professional, or fleeting encounters with strangers.

We're all carrying some baggage, right? Whether it's a heavy load, traumatic event, complex trauma, or just a few bumps and bruises, acknowledging that everyone's got their stuff is a game-changer.

I’d like to share a concept of viewing each individual as a wounded human and drawing parallels with the tender care required to socialize a traumatized animal.

Imagine a terrified animal in need of care, feeling trapped in a carrier with no way to escape. As a person reaches in, the animal lashes out to protect itself.

Humans too may exhibit defensive behaviors as a result of their past wounds - scarred by the experiences life has thrown at them. This mindset, rooted in the acknowledgment that we all carry some form of trauma, big or small, fosters a more compassionate and patient approach.

Drawing inspiration from a heartwarming 30-minute video that I saw of a woman using a wooden spoon instead of her hand to slowly begin to help a cat feel safe being touched. A few bits of progress made and as she tried to use her hand, the cat seemed to regress, so she patiently went back to the spoon for a while then tried with her hand, over and over until the cat accepted her pets.

As she gains the trust of a terrified cat - emphasizes the importance of persistence and gentleness in human interactions. The initial reactions of the traumatized cat, marked by hissing, growling, and scratching, mirror the defensive behaviors people might display when feeling afraid, consciously or unconsciously.

The woman's patience and consistent efforts, akin to approaching a wounded human, gradually led to the cat feeling safe enough to allow physical contact. Even though for a few moments it felt like a total regression, she never gave up. This metaphor encourages us to persist in our efforts to connect with others, even when faced with initial resistance.

Relationships can be tricky, picture a client nervous about communicating with their partner. The suggestion here is to expect that the partner might not be all in for the first 10, 20, 30 maybe even 40 tries.

This mindset allows for preparation rather than expectation, fostering a non-personalized response to negative reactions. By maintaining calm and unemotional communication, individuals can set healthy boundaries while expressing their intentions to improve the relationship. The analogy of the wounded cat serves as a reminder that persistence and understanding can eventually lead to positive transformation.

Life's all about connections, and understanding that we're all a bit battered makes those connections stronger. By embracing the idea that everyone's a bit wounded, we can approach relationships with more patience, persistence, and a sprinkle of understanding.

So, next time someone's acting a bit defensive, remember the scared cat and grab your metaphorical wooden spoon – it might just lead to a breakthrough.

Life's Richness...

Embracing the Uncomfortable: Discovering life's richness by challenging society's discomforts.

I find it sad that our world is one where societal norms dictate what emotions are acceptable and that usually only means the comfortable ones.

As a highly sensitive person, I am fortunate that I have not allowed how other people feel about my emotions to stop me from expressing them. I can’t say I haven’t felt shitty about it though - feeling like people don’t want to be around me because of the risk of potentially making them uncomfortable.

I’ve often chosen isolation as an easier option… As I am typing away on my laptop while sitting at a bar at my favorite sushi spot.

I cry OFTEN - happy, sad, frustrated, dreaming… any reason, really, I cry. And I can think of dozens and dozens of times noticing the people closest to me looking around to see who was watching when my tears started to flow.

After YEARS of inner work, I realized how much this influenced my interpretation of my feelings being less important than other people’s. I’m lucky that I’ve realized these things. I’ve been able to do a lot of healing around it. But sadly, I realize that is not the experience most Highly Sensitive People have.

Addressing the uncomfortable aspects of life becomes awkward, shunned, judged, feared, and needing to be “fixed”. I also think it is sad that there are still so many highly sensitive people who don’t know that it is an actual thing and not a judgy title assigned to someone who feels in a big way or cries a lot.

Society has conditioned us to think they have to walk on eggshells to avoid us expressing emotions such as sadness, grief, fear, or vulnerability. This avoidance stems from a collective discomfort, a fear of facing the raw, unfiltered complexities of the human experience. Others not knowing how to “fix” us, often the person with the emotions is made to feel they need to filter to fit in and not make people feel bad or uncomfortable around them. However, it is time to challenge this conditioning and rediscover the joy of addressing these uncomfortable subjects.

The Suppression of Emotions:

From a young age, we are taught to conceal our true feelings. Society sends implicit messages that certain emotions are unwelcome, fostering a culture of emotional suppression. The fear of making others uncomfortable has led us to bury our true essence deep within, creating a facade of neutrality, strength, “I’ll be fine”, and “I know people have it worse than me” even anger instead of hurt, which denies our authentic selves.

Breaking Free from Emotional Chains:

Addressing and dealing with suppressed emotions is not only a journey toward self-discovery but also liberation from societal limitations and stagnation. By acknowledging the discomfort associated with these emotions, we begin to break free from the emotional chains that mute us and dull our experiences. It's time to embrace the complexity of our emotions and recognize the range from highest highs and lowest lows is what makes us as unique and interesting as we are.

The Art of Processing Emotions:

Helping individuals navigate through the maze of suppressed emotions involves developing the skill of emotional recognition. This entails creating a safe space to learn how to feel, really feel, with no shame, guilt, or worry about the feelings being judged - even how easy or how difficult it might be to feel in the first place.

The fun and freedom of working with me is the ease with which you will find you can identify and express your full spectrum of emotions without judgment.

By guiding individuals through this process, I empower them to savor the richness of their emotional experiences. This often creates more meaningful moments and relationships, and a richer more fulfilling life!

Navigating the Ups and Downs:

Life is a rollercoaster of highs and lows, and acknowledging this reality is essential for personal development. Rather than fearing the downs, we should learn to appreciate the contrast they provide to the ups. Each emotion contributes to the mosaic of our existence, making us more resilient, empathetic, and connected to our true selves and others.

Conclusion:

In a society that conditions us to avoid discomfort, there is liberation in uncovering, embracing, and addressing previously suppressed emotions. By guiding individuals through the process of emotional exploration and processing I get to witness them celebrate the complexity of their emotions, finding joy in the ups and downs, and reclaiming the power that comes from living authentically in a world that often encourages conformity.

So proud

Do you ever notice a positive change in yourself and feel proud?

It is a rare occasion that I give myself credit for an accomplishment. Usually, once I have accomplished something, I’ve already set the bar higher and am judging myself for not being there yet.

Isn’t it a shame how hard we can be on ourselves?

This is such a big focus of the work that I do with my clients and myself. Often it is our own self-judgments holding us back more than the external challenges like money, family, time, resources, etc.

Well, in the last few weeks as I was deciding if I was going to take the plunge and move to a larger location and expand my in-person offering, I started reflecting on all that I have learned over the years about business, virtual and brick-and-mortar.

And you know what a rabbit hole deep thinking can become. I started thinking about so much. My thoughts landed back on my dad again since September is his birthday month and he was such a big cheerleader for all of my business adventures. The rabbit hole led to me thinking of traits of his that I have always known I have and how there are certain ones that I am choosing to practice and adopt as mine as well.

He was a very generous person. But I didn’t know until after he passed how incredibly generous he was! He actually hid it from people.

I heard story after story of the ways he helped people and the donations he made - like for one he used to buy drumsets for kids whose parents could afford them. He thought the world needed more drummers. Smile Train was another organization that he gave a lot to.

He was how I learned you could pick a charity on Amazon for a portion of your purchases to be donated to.

So in the spirit of giving, if this appeals to you at all, please apply. I want to support those who are really interested in their own growth, who care about how they feel, and who want more good stuff, whether it's goals, happiness, or stronger relationships.

During the call, I’m going to be asking a few questions. They may seem like simple ones, but they uncover some of the most surprising gems of information its like watching some speedy genius who can finish a Rubix cube in seconds. I LOVE IT!

If you are curious, Apply Here I'll be letting the 10 who are selected know on Saturday, Sept 17th.